Woke up at half past 6 to catch the bus then the train then the bus again…when you reach the school, there seems nobody other then four sleepy people. The time is passin and noone around to fill the spaces. Then there is time to go, no need tos tay there, no course at all… but where am I goin?

Outraged by the seen you are just in, you need to arrange your time table realizing another course at 01.00 o’clock, which makes the situation worse, coz u need to hurry if u wanna put ur head on ur lovely pillow and then come back. Taking the bus is the act you show u plan to go somewhere(me=to home), so u believe that ll happen in accordance with ur plans? I dont remember what I was thinkin when I saw a phantom figure comin out of the snowy seen and hit the front part of the bus I was in. That sound is such a huge one that can make u feel that u are in a movie or a kind of artificial role. Yeah, what u feel at that time, first you are excited coz it is hard to seperate what is real and what is not in the first place. However, u feel stirred to do sth. When you breathe again. I went out of the bus thinkin that the thing hit was already under the bus, so I should just go without lookin if there are other people for the first aid. You listen ur mind, ur heart or ur soul? After u face the air again, it feels different, there is no anger anymore for anybody, there is just a heavy scream in your throut which makes you suffer more while breathin. What u gonna do? Nobody is waitin for sth. They seem controllin what is goin on. Then you should find a way to go, there is no way other than death at that point, makin me feel that I am in the hospital again, the intence care doctors around and no voice no clear faces!!! Just my heart beatin and the cables around…

I could not stop cryin, I really dont know the exact reason. I dont feel bad for myself though. Coz I know what death means and to feel it can change u from devil to angel and vice versa. However, it is hard to react with ur mind when the event’s just happened and it ll effect u till u forget. And I know how hard to forget it, coz you are the subject not the others. I tried to clean the blood on the face of the girl in my mind and also my tears!!! Wish she feels better now even if I dunno her name, we can be called “sisters” in terms of the experience we have in common.

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