While readin about theory, sth. Just made my mind blank. “ people write when sth. is absent, even the reader face the work without the author” says a philosopher

I just took a deep breathe and thought about me, myself and my pen. I just put together the times I really cant help writin when I feel it as a must, yeah it generally happened to me when there lacks sth. Either in physical or mental way. Then it just flashed that what about thinkin? I mean I am such a lazy girl that really stay away from movement, however ideas dont need to take ur energy, u just sit there and think without even realizin what u are actually doin, which happens me throughout a day and it is really hard to catch the train of this life goin on after u are out of such contemplations. When I generally do that? I should use “always”. Why? What I lack? If somebody let me evaluate that thinkin period just like writin, then I do lack sth. which is bigger than life,,,
God, sometimes I really feel departed from U, and I know that U are the biggest at all, please dont let me go crazy while thinkin…